Title: Vegetarian Vampires

Author: Saavant

Contact: saavaant @ yahoo . com

Series: TOS

Rating: [Explicit]

Codes: K/S, K/Grapefruit, S/Grapefruit implied

Part: 1/1

Summary: Kirk and Spock add some fruity fun to their sex life.

Archive: Sure.

Author's Note: I wrote this to contribute to the possibility of K/Grapefruit being an official GO category in 2003. The whole idea of K/Grapefruit was inspired by a video of Shatner peeling a grapefruit while talking very sexily to it... and this story was inspired by the fact that he was wearing a Dracula robe. Aw heck, just watch the clip: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nqIbKewA6PI

Disclaimer: Spock and Kirk belong to Paramount/Viacom. Shatner is responsible for K/Grapefruit. I thank them for the nonprofit use of their ideas.


"Spock, I'm bored."

"Jim, there are countless recreational facilities aboard this vessel."

"I mean bored with our sex life. We've done everything."

"It is true that we have explored a great variety of sexual fetishes..."

"We've done *everything.* Every possible kink. In fact, there's only one thing I can think of offhand that we haven't done."

"And that would be?"


"I beg your pardon?"

"Vampires. People who like to drink each other's blood."

"You are suggesting that we..."

"You're so perfect for the role. Tall, dark, handsome, pointy ears..."

"Jim, I will not drink blood. That is the least vegetarian sexual practice I can think of. You know I will not even swallow your semen when you have been eating meat."

"It's not killing anything! It wouldn't hurt me at all. I'd even like it."

"I am sorry. I cannot do it."



"Jim, *what* are you reading?"

"Well, Spock, I did some research in the literary databases to see if there was a vegetarian version of vampirism."

"Jim, that is ridiculous."

"No, listen, Spock. I didn't find anything in the erotica section, but that didn't stop me. I searched everything. And finally I found this. Look."


"It's about a vampire rabbit. He sucks the juice out of vegetables."

"And what relation does that have to our sex life?"

"Well, we could suck the juice out of fruits and vegetables."

"And you would enjoy this? In a sexual way?"

"Spock, I can enjoy *anything* in a sexual way."


"Jim, this is idiotic."

"Please, Spock! Don't you love me?"

"If I did not love you, we would not be sitting here with grapefruits in our hands, preparing to suck their juice for sexual gratification. That does not, however, prevent me from pointing out that I have no idea how this could actually be enjoyable."

"Well, start talking to it. Tell it it's beautiful, and touch it all over, and say you want to... Oh hell, just listen to me."

"Very well."

"Oh you! You're adorable. Your bumpy skin, your little stem... I want to peel you, and suck out your ruby-red--"

"Jim, I cannot believe it. You are getting an erection."

"I noticed, Spock. Don't interrupt. Aaah, let me slide my finger into your little dimpled stem hole... push a little bit... ooh, there, I'm under your skin already. I feel how moist and juicy you are underneath, my little grapefruit."

"Is there something wrong with your throat, Jim?"

"This is my *vampire voice,* Spock!"

"I see."

"I can't wait... Oh, how good it feels to pull your rough bumpy peeling slooowwly away, and see your red, sweet insides... I knew it! You're getting horny too, Spock!"

"Indeed I am. Astonishing."

"I told you so! Ah, now you are naked for me, my ruby-red treasure. Mmm... doesn't it feel good when I slide my finger between two of your little segments... gently ease one of them loose... bring it to my lips... Mmmm. Mmmmmmm...."

"Jim, you raise me to new heights of illogic. I cannot believe I am so aroused from watching you suck on a piece of grapefruit."

"Mmmmmm... Mmmmmmm... Mmmmm... That piece of you was delicious. May I have another one, my love? Yes, let me pull one loose..."

"Jim, it is a waste of food to suck all the juice out of a grapefruit segment and throw away the rest of it."

"Only you could think about conservation when you have a hard-on like that. Don't worry, you can eat the skins when I'm done."

"I do not think I can wait for you to be done, Jim."

"You want to eat the skins now?"

"No, Jim. I want to eat *you.* Come here."

"Mmmmm... Mmmmm... MMMMMMM!"


"So, do you agree being vampires is a success?"

"I still am not sure that activity qualifies as vampirism."

"But you liked it. Admit it."

"I liked watching you do it. I, however, have not yet been the active participant in this particular entertainment."

"I can't wait to watch you."

"I cannot wait either. Jim, please hand me the other grapefruit."







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