Title: Diplomatic Relations

Author: Saavant

Contact: saavaant @ yahoo . com

Series: TOS

Rating: [Explicit]

Codes: K/S, K/m, S/f

Part: 1/1

Summary: Ambassador Spock has to attend a meeting "with his wife." Trouble is, he's married to Kirk. (Inspired by a challenge from Farfalla... thank you, wuv!)

Archive: Sure.

Warning: gender-bending, sex orgies and weirdness!

Disclaimer: I disclaim Star Trek characters. I disclaim having invented them. I disclaim to be profiting monetarily from writing about them. I am not Roddenberry. I am not Paramount. I am Saavant. So There.

Beta: Farfalla. Thank you so much!



"I think that gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman."

--Arnold Schwarzenegger



"You've had some strange diplomatic duties," said Kirk, looking perplexedly over the assignment Spock had just received, "but this is one of the weirdest yet. The Igamans are inviting you to come to one of their interplanetary relations meetings... with your wife?"

Ambassador Spock raised an eyebrow at his bondmate. "Not so unusual, when one considers Igaman values. A visitor is considered worthy of attention only if he has succeeded in marrying, and the planet has no history of men marrying men."

"You mean, there are no gay people on Igama at all?"

"If there are, they are so repressed that no one knows of them. Certainly there have never been same-sex marriages. My hosts clearly assume that I am married to a woman, and they will undoubtedly be offended if I appear alone... or with a male spouse."

"They don't know about you and me?"

"They have little specific knowledge of 'who is who' in the Federation. They are considering joining, and that will be a major topic discussed at the meeting, so they consider it wise to have a Federation ambassador present. However, all they know of me is that I am an ambassador."

Spock and Kirk looked silently at the message for another moment. Finally, Kirk said, "So what are you going to do?"

"I expect I will have to decline the invitation. It will be impolite... but not as impolite as attending the meeting in violation of Igaman customs."

"No, Spock!" said Kirk, eyes lighting up suddenly in inspiration. "I have another idea."


Kirk emerged from the fresher and spun around, showing himself off. "What do you think?"

Spock was, for a moment, utterly deprived of speech. James Kirk was clad in high-heeled, sharp-toed red boots, black pantyhose, and a form-fitting red dress that came to just below his knees. His eyes were accentuated with mascara, eyeliner and eyeshadow in quite dark shades, his mouth with vivid red lipstick, his cheekbones with equally vivid rouge.

He wore a delicate little hat with roses on it, and a necklace and earrings with a matching rose motif. Something had been stuffed under the dress to make his chest and hips look fuller.

Spock stared for another few moments, and then finally managed to answer. "Surprisingly enough, you are... convincing. From what the Igamans seem to know about human clothing, they will have no trouble identifying you as a female. However, I would suggest a less tightly fitting--"

"Spock," said Kirk dangerously. "Are you calling me fat?"

The Vulcan's eyebrows rose, then lowered, while he tried to formulate a reply. James Kirk was, indeed, much larger around the middle than he used to be, and that had been part of the reason for Spock's suggestion... but as he thought it over, Spock decided it would be better not to mention it.

"Never mind, Jim. Your appearance is most satisfactory."

He paused, then added, "Nevertheless, I should like to point out that, if the Igamans are prejudiced against homosexuality, they may also disapprove of inter-species marriage. Although I have not seen any specific references to such a bias in the cultural literature, it would be a reasonable assumption. They do not have a great deal of interplanetary contact, and relationships with people from other planets seem as unknown to them as same-sex relationships. If you are to pose as my wife, it would be advisable to conceal the difference between our ears."

"Hmm." Kirk thought a moment. "Do you have any hats you can wear?"

Spock's eyebrows went up in indignation. "Jim, why must it always be assumed that I should be the one to cover my ear-tips? Have I not been required enough times to do that?"

"Okay, okay, you're right," said Kirk, smiling. "I'll replicate a wig."


They beamed down into a grand hall. Walking across the marble floor to meet the foreign ministers of Igama, Kirk peered curiously at the statues that lined the walls. Naked people. They were somewhat abstract, but there didn't seem to be any other possible interpretation of their design. And some of the things they appeared to be doing...

Kirk reminded himself that, even if people of this culture frowned on relationships between species and within genders, that didn't necessarily mean they were shy about the kinds of sex they liked.

There were two men there to meet them, classically handsome in the style of Igama. They were dressed in the loose robes that Igaman men wore, resplendent with jeweled clasps and purple and gold decorations. Although humanoid, they had faint vertical stripes on their skin, and bluish bumps instead of hair. Their fingers were so flexible they appeared boneless, and there were several more on each hand than a human would have.

Spock raised a hand in the Vulcan salute. "Greetings, Minister Agmi, Minister Angi. I am Ambassador Spock, and this is my wife T'Kir."

Kirk smiled in greeting, tipping his head to one side in an attempt to ease an itch caused by the wig. The long auburn ringlets bounced prettily over his shoulders, and the Igaman leaders gave charming smiles back.

"You honor us," Agmi said. "Come, there is a banquet awaiting you in the dining hall."

They walked through a wide doorway into another room. The banquet covered every centimeter of a huge wooden table: roasted meat, plates of fruit, bowls of noodles, tureens of soup, trays of little round pastries, piles of nuts and colorful candies, goblets of fruit nectar, and dozens of other delicacies Spock and Kirk couldn't identify.

Four of the foreign ministers were waiting in the room already: three women and a man. The women's robes were a little tighter, and didn't seem to have closures in front like the men's. Besides that, and the shape of their chests, there wasn't much visible difference between males and females.

After introductions had been carried out, everyone took a seat. "I hope the food is to your liking," said Agmi, "and that the room is comfortable for you."

Spock's eyes strayed to the walls. He and Kirk exchanged a glance. Here, there were not sculptures but paintings: richly colored, stylized scenes of men and women lying in the grass of some tropical paradise, sometimes nude, sometimes draped in only the smallest scraps of fabric. They were feeding each other little bits of bread and meat; trailing small fruits over each other's bodies; licking fruit juice from each other's skin.

"The pictures are the work of Minister Mai," Agmi explained, nodding toward the small, quiet-looking woman near the end of the table. "She is quite an artist in her spare time. Anyone with such artistic leanings who works in the field of diplomacy... must eventually succumb to inspiration, hmm?" Agmi cocked his head and smiled in amusement at the visitors.

Kirk and Spock made eye contact for a second, sharing their puzzlement at the apparent joke. Feeling obliged to respond, Spock raised an eyebrow and twisted up a corner of his mouth, and Kirk gave a shining smile.

They ate for a while, chatting lightly with the representatives. The food was excellent; rich in flavor and texture. To Kirk it was almost intoxicating, imparting a pleasant warmth to his nervous system.

He found himself talking with fewer inhibitions. When Minister Angi started asking questions about his life with Spock, he happily recounted stories of their marriage and their experience working together. Most were true stories, with a few casual adjustments to preserve the illusion that Kirk was Spock's wife. And he told them with such eloquence and enthusiasm that they captivated the audience like fairy tales.

"She is adorable," murmured the burly gentleman sitting next to Spock.

"Thank you, Minister Ina. I have always thought so," replied the Vulcan, with a quirk of his mouth.


They enjoyed several courses, ending with something creamy in a crispy shell, surrounded by slices of frozen fruit. By the time the dessert was finished, even Spock was warm and happy. He felt no more discomfort making conversation... and he felt a growing urge to take Kirk in his arms and kiss him. Something in Igaman food seemed to work like a mild version of Terran alcohol, with many of the pleasant effects but none of the distressing ones.

As he sat conversing with the Igamans across the depleted table, he felt the warmth slowly gathering in one place... a place that made it very difficult to concentrate on other things. Crossing his legs, trying to ease the pressure of the unexpected erection, he glanced at Kirk, wondering if he were experiencing the same thing. Spock couldn't see the human's groin, but he did see a flushed face and very dilated pupils.

"What a delicious meal," Kirk commented to the representative two seats down from him, a blonde lady who had introduced herself as Minister Ni.

"I am glad you enjoyed it," she said. "I do think our cooks did an excellent job. And it's certainly having its effect, isn't it, Minister Gan?" Ni gave the plump woman beside her a pat on the shoulder, and they both giggled.

Kirk and Spock, meanwhile, caught each other's eyes again.

Ina looked at them and smiled. "It certainly is," he called to Ni and Gan. "I suggest we take advantage of that, and move on to the next part of the meeting. I'm sure we're all ready to become more closely acquainted with our charming guests!"

As the ministers all rose and began hurrying back out into the grand hall with the statues, Kirk and Spock looked at one another in genuine bewilderment.

"Jim, do you think...?" said Spock in a low voice.

"I think it's what it looks like." Kirk shifted in his seat. "You didn't read as much of the cultural literature as you pretended to, did you?"

Spock's eyebrows crawled together in concern. "I thought I had read enough. This was... not mentioned... in what I read."

"Don't worry." Kirk stood up and gave his husband a brave smile. "I can handle it. I've dealt with species who incorporate orgies into their getting-to-know-you rituals."

"You have never done it while trying to conceal your gender."

"Spock, if they expect us to have sex with each other, I'll just suck you off, okay? And then if someone else is interested in me, I'll give him a hand job or something. If that's all right with you."

Spock sighed. "Do whatever you feel is necessary to keep the diplomats pleased with us. In some situations... I believe you have better diplomatic skills than I do."


Out in the grand hall, the ministers took their places on benches. They paired up, sitting together in couples: Agmi and Mai, Ina and Gan, Angi and Ni. One bench was left over, and Kirk and Spock took it. Kirk sat down with his legs crossed at a strange angle, managing to conceal his arousal to some degree.

All eyes were suddenly on Agmi. As the head of the foreign ministry, it seemed he was expected to go first. With a magnificent motion, he threw open his robe and revealed a bulbous organ that unfolded like a sea anemone, branching into dozens of tendrils at the end.

Mai, aroused beyond reason by the display, kicked open her legs and pulled her robe up to her breasts. Her own genitals, a tube hanging between her thighs, suddenly opened up wide, seized Agmi's tendrils, pulled them deep inside and began sucking hard.

The other couples sat still and kept watching, so Kirk and Spock sat still and watched too. Agmi and Mai writhed on their bench, their bodies going through impossible gyrations. Just when it looked as if they were going to twist themselves into pieces, they let out a long, thin screech that ended in a grumbling sound, and lay still.

The others cheered wildly. "Now you!" they chorused. "Now Spock and T'Kir!"

"Are you ready?" Spock murmured.

"Sure thing," Kirk answered, kneeling and opening Spock's robe.

Their relationship was amazing, mused Spock. No matter what else was going on, all of it would cease to matter to Spock as soon as Kirk touched him. Even in a situation like this... even having sex in front of a group of Igaman foreign ministers who took it for granted that having sex was a part of every diplomatic meeting... even with Kirk in a dress and a curly wig, trying to impersonate a woman for fear of the Igamans' prejudice.

Kirk took Spock's cock in his hands, stroking it to an even greater arousal. The Igamans looked on, fascinated by the green color, its simplicity in comparison to their own organs. But Spock was oblivious to their attention. He moaned and moved his hips slightly, making Kirk's fingers rub against the drop of pre-ejaculate at the tip, spreading it slickly over the head.

Kirk's fingers worked faster, and Spock threw his head back and began pushing his erection over and over again into his mate's tight grip. He was covered with leaking semen now; flushed a deeper and deeper green; sliding wetly in and out of Kirk's fist and gasping at the friction. Kirk's other hand rested on his hip, soothing him, connecting with him.

Drowning in Jim's love and reassurance, and his own helpless arousal, and the maddening sensations of Jim's hand making love to him, he gave a heavy groan... one that Kirk knew was a warning. In seconds, the smooth wet inside of Jim's mouth had taken the place of the hand. Both hands were on his hips, then his buttocks, holding him tightly, possessively... and the ultra-sensitive head of his cock was vibrating in response to the energetic touch of Jim's tongue.

Control evaporated in an explosive firestorm. His pelvis slammed forward into Kirk's face as the heat of his orgasm shot through his balls and cock-- but Jim moved with him, rode the fiery waves of his eruption, cradled him in his hands as he swallowed. Panting, gasping, they rested a moment... Jim stroking Spock's hips, Spock's hands resting on Jim's shoulders.

"I love you," Spock murmured, barely catching himself before he said "Jim."


The Igamans gazed at them in awe. Not only did the alien bodies catch their attention, but there was a passion in these two that they had never seen at any other diplomatic conference.

Ina was the first to react. Rising to his feet, he announced, "That was amazing. In fact-- would you mind if we re-arranged the schedule a bit? Traditionally, of course, each couple has one turn together, and then we begin trading off... but you are such wonderful lovers, Gan and I can barely wait to have you."

Kirk and Spock looked at each other, trying to evaluate each other's feelings. They were not always particular about monogamy. There had been times they had participated in threesomes and foursomes; even times when one of them had played around with a friend and let the other watch. As everyone knew, Kirk had a sexually adventurous spirit, and Spock's respect of infinite diversity had brought him to love his bondmate's adventures, as long as their own relationship remained the most important to them.

This situation was different. It was in the line of duty, and these partners were an accident of fate, not chosen because of friendship or sexual attraction.

But after a moment's eye contact, they decided to go through with it anyway. The diplomatic mission would benefit from it, and even if they didn't have a great time, it couldn't be too bad. Igamans were too different from either of their species to transmit diseases. Their sexual practices didn't seem potentially dangerous to humans or Vulcans. As long as Kirk could keep Ina out of his pants-- or rather his pantyhose-- things would be fine.

"Certainly," Kirk assented, getting up and following Ina back to his bench. Gan, meanwhile, rushed over to Spock, throwing herself onto the bench beside him.

Kirk watched out of the corner of his eye as Gan and Spock experimented with foreplay. In both their species, it seemed to involve the hands, but the difference between their fingers was causing some confusion.

Of course, Kirk couldn't give them his full attention, since Ina had pulled him down onto the bench and was running supple hands up and down his sides. Kirk squirmed, trying to keep the bulge between his own legs from pushing noticeably against Ina, and at the same time trying to open Ina's robe to get at his genitals. He just had to bring him off without revealing his own private parts... which seemed difficult, since the Igaman appeared to want Kirk's private parts to have an active role in the whole business.

"Let me undress you," Ina whispered.

"Only if you let me undress you first," Kirk replied, turning on his charm full force, and hoping it would work.

Ina smiled in agreement. Kirk reached for the clasps of his partner's robe. Soon it was open, and the human's hands were inside. One hand encountered another garment laced tightly over Ina's chest, and began to undo it. The other hand, meanwhile, ventured lower.

"I'm going to touch you now," Kirk said in his best seductive voice.

"Yes," gasped Ina.

And suddenly Kirk's hand was seized by the Igaman's sex, drawn into it, trapped in the suction--

Looking down, Kirk's eyes went wide. Sucking fiercely at his fingers was a wide tube of flesh. Not a cluster of tentacles, like Agmi's, but a tube, like Mai's. A set of female genitals.

As he stared in puzzlement, his other hand finished undoing the fastening of the chest cloth, and it fell open. Swinging freely out of it came Ina's voluptuous breasts.


In absolute bewilderment, Kirk turned to look at Spock. But the Vulcan didn't notice. He was pulling bunched-up fabric out of the bosom of Mai's robe, while she sat astride his chest, teasing his mouth with... dozens of tentacles, unfurling like an anemone.

Darting his eyes helplessly to the next bench, Kirk found Angi and Ni clasped in a close embrace... both their tentacled sex organs playing happily together.

And as Ina's tube sucked harder and harder and finally convulsed and relaxed around his hand, everything suddenly became clear.


From that point on, the orgy-- and the diplomatic discussion afterwards-- proceeded with stunning success. Kirk and Spock went home full of a sense of accomplishment.

Then they turned on the computer and finally read the cultural information all the way through.

"So, on Igama, every marriage is between a man and a woman. But their definitions of 'man' and 'woman' are the important thing." Kirk smiled. "A man is someone who feels that he is a man-- whether he has male or female organs."

"And a woman is someone who feels like a woman, regardless of genitalia. Fascinating."

"Women dress like women, men dress like men. If they have to bind their breasts, or stuff something into their bras, in order to dress like what they feel like-- then that's what they do."

"And it is perfectly acceptable for two people with identical genitals to marry each other-- as long as they wear opposite-gender clothes."

Jim laughed delightedly. "So our approach to the meeting was exactly the right one... and we shouldn't have worried about the possibility that they might see me naked."

"In fact, considering the enthusiasm with which Angi and Agmi made advances toward you, once they did notice your erection..."

"Oh, Spock." Jim gave his mate a playful kiss. "They were perfect gentlemen. I liked it. All of it."

"You are incorrigible."

"Thank you."

"You realize that they are still prejudiced against relationships like ours-- where two people with male organs love each other, but neither feels that he is a woman."

"Yes, that's true." Kirk sighed. "But they were a lot better than we expected! They've acknowledged people who have male organs and do feel like women... or vice versa. And they've given them a lot more recognition than either of our planets ever has. Although we've come a long way, too."

"Indeed." Spock gave the smile he never smiled for anyone but Kirk. "It is fortunate that we appear to have convinced the Igamans to join the Federation. Perhaps, with this alliance, both their species and ours can come a long way further."

"Let's hope so," said Kirk.

And he kissed his husband, with lips that still had a trace of lipstick on them.






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