Title: Love and Pain

Author: Saavant

Contact: saavaant @ yahoo.com

Series: TOS

Rating: [Explicit]

Codes: Spock/Saavik/David, Saavik/David

Part: 1/1

Summary: How Spock got through pon farr on the Genesis Planet

Warning: Dark. Sad.

Archive: Sure.

Disclaimer: Paramount owns them. I don't, and I can't profit monetarily from writing about them.

Note: This story has the same take on Vulcan sex as my other stories "Holding Hands" and "Spirit of the Cat." It is probably in the same universe as those stories, especially the latter.

Beta: Hypatia. Many thanks. I wasn't able to find ways to change the big flaws, but thanks for looking it over.




Preparing to walk down the hill to identify the invaders, David Marcus hesitated when he heard a violent groan behind him. He stepped back into the clearing, and stood motionless for a moment, framed by the trees.

"Saavik? What are you doing?"

The woman he loved was crouched on the forest floor, sensually stroking the hand of the rescued Vulcan boy. The boy's face showed passionate desire, gazing up at her as if she were all that mattered in the universe.

"David." Saavik turned to look at him, while her fingers continued to caress those of the young Spock.


They held each other's eyes for a moment, minds racing; Saavik trying to think of a way to explain, David wondering what the explanation could possibly be.

"Saavik-- does it have to do with what you said? The burning of his Vulcan blood? You said pon farr. What is pon farr?"

Saavik's eyes turned back to Spock. "I had not meant for you to know," she murmured.

"But now I have to know," David answered in a monotone, stating a simple and obvious truth.

Saavik sighed.

A moment of silence passed.

"At this time of his life," she replied finally, "he must mate, or he will die."

Another moment went by wordlessly, the glow of the fire flickering on their faces.

David spoke at last, uncertainty breaking his words. "When I tried to make love to you," he said, "you told me you couldn't."

Saavik closed her eyes. On that night less than a week ago, David had taken her in his arms, and she had pulled away, saying that it was impossible.

Pressed to explain, she had told him the truth. Vulcans and Romulans mated with their index and middle fingers, but she was a deformed hybrid of the two species. She had not been born with soft passages inside her fingertips, like a normal female, or tubes that shot out for a moment during orgasm, like a normal male. Instead, strange curved claws emerged from the tips of her first two fingers when she was aroused, and stayed out as long as arousal lasted.

Like male tubes, they were sharp and hollow; syringe-like. Shame cracking her voice, she had told David that she could not make love to him without injuring him. If he touched her, she would be unable to keep herself from touching him in return, and her touch would give nothing but pain.

Now, hand in hand with the young reincarnation of Spock, she opened her eyes and raised them to the man she truly wanted. "I am sorry," she said.

David's voice was barely audible. "How is it going to work, with him?"

"When I have aroused him sufficiently, our fingertips will meet, and his tubes will enter mine. I do not believe I will become sexually excited during this encounter. I expect that it will be possible to accomplish it without my passages extending. If they do, however, I will be able to maneuver my hand so that he can penetrate my tubes without injury to his fingers."


She looked at him, fighting hard to keep emotion off her face.

"Saavik, sex shouldn't be like that." David stepped closer. Spock looked at him warily, but Saavik's proximity reassured him, and he turned his eyes back to hers.

Saavik ran her finger up Spock's palm, not speaking.

"You shouldn't have to have sex without any pleasure at all. It's not right."

"In this case there is no alternative. Spock will die if this does not happen."

"It isn't right," David repeated, kneeling beside her and putting a hand on her shoulder.

"If you come too close, Spock may perceive you as a threat." Saavik's whole body was tingling now from David's closeness, but she concentrated on sending soothing feelings to Spock through her touch.

"No he won't. I'm touching you, and he doesn't notice." David lifted his other hand to her neck. "All he sees is you. And I don't blame him."

Saavik gasped. David's hands were beginning to massage the tender places between her neck and shoulders. He was kneeling behind her, one knee on each side of her hips. The intimacy of the position was almost painful.

Spock seemed to sense the excitement growing in Saavik, and his breath quickened. His fingertips repeated their journey down the back of her hand and up her palm, faster each time.

"Saavik," groaned David. His hands slid from her shoulders down her back, clutching at her waist. She could feel him hard and ready, pressed against her tailbone. She tried to focus on Spock's eyes.

David rocked his groin against her once, subtly, then again, harder. His hands at her waist began to sweat.

She winced. She couldn't help it-- the hollow barbs were starting to slide out of her fingers, millimeter by millimeter. She exerted all the willpower she could summon, and failed. David's body against hers was an inexorable pull into the depths of arousal.

And Spock felt her desire, and gripped her wrist with one hand, and met her fingertips with the other. Head thrown back, lips curled, mouth slightly open, he lined up the sheaths of his tubes with the emerging tips of hers. The pain of the touch seemed only to spur him on.

David lost himself in the heat of her body, wrapping his arms around her and shoving himself against her from behind. Eyes clenched shut and breath coming heavily through bared teeth, he gave silent thanks to Saavik for allowing his embrace... and to Spock for occupying her hand, so that just this once, she would be able to accept his touches without having to touch him back.

Saavik's tubes grew longer and longer, pushing Spock's fingers away until they were delicately curved bridges between the two pairs of fingertips, like arcs of electricity joining the tips of two sets of wires. Spock writhed helplessly-- his fingertips no longer felt the warmth of her flesh, but the sharp ends of her extending passages pushed against him where he was most sensitive, right at the rims of the openings that became ever more ready to release his own tubes. He groaned in pain and pleasure that were almost indistinguishable, pressing more and more closely against her tips, and clenching his other hand yet more tightly around her wrist.

But as David's motion on her back reached a frenzy, Saavik lost control.

Spock had her right hand in a tight grip, but her left hand could no longer bear the lack of stimulation. It slammed against her chest where David's hands intertwined, and its sharp-barbed digits tried to work themselves into the embrace of fingers.

Her mind no longer functioned; her body had taken over, and David's cries of pain did nothing to stop her clawed assault on his hands. Clenching his jaw as needle-sharp points buried themselves in his flesh, he struggled in vain to pull away, pain warring with arousal. Between his legs, his flesh was still uncontrollably hard, but tears ran down his face at the sharpness invading his palms and fingers...

With a roar, Spock let go of Saavik's right wrist and seized the adulterous left hand. Now clasping each of her hands with his, he forced fingertips against tube-tips, taking only a moment to align them before giving up the last of his control. In a fiery instant, Saavik felt all four of his tubes plunging inside all four of hers, sensation piercing her to the core of her body.

David clasped his hands on Saavik's breast, gasping in relief at the withdrawal of the claws, and rubbed himself to completion against the small of her back. Though perhaps less intense for the pain, his orgasm still made him let out a rough-throated cry as his seed burst hotly from him, soaking his uniform pants and seeping through to the back of Saavik's tunic.

The three of them lay in an exhausted heap for several moments, and then David and Saavik disentangled themselves shakily and looked at each other. Saavik's eyes fell on her lover's bloodstained fingers, and she began to reach out a hand to touch and soothe. But the sight of her hand made David flinch, and she pulled back.

"I'm sorry," she murmured.

"It's nothing," David replied softly.

They both wiped drops of blood off their hands, avoiding eye contact.

"I guess I'd better go get a look at whoever's down there," said David, gesturing toward the lights that moved across the plain below.

"I'll stay with Spock," Saavik replied.

David turned to go, and then impulsively turned back.

"Damn it," he rasped, "I don't know if this was our only time ever, I don't know if it will ever work out, but even if I never get to touch you again, I have to do this, I have to." And he caught Saavik's wrists, held them tightly behind her back, and gave her a long, intense kiss.

It would have been longer if she could have controlled her urge to return his touch, or if he could have held her hands immobile for a few more moments. But too soon, she struggled and broke his grip on her, and he jumped back before her fingers could reach him.

"I'll see you later," he whispered.

"Yes," she answered, looking at the ground.

He disappeared through the curtain of low-hanging branches, and Saavik lay down on the ground beside Spock. Seeing the boy shift restlessly in his sleep, she took his hand, and he relaxed.

If only her touch could calm someone she truly desired to touch. If only she could love without causing pain.

Saavik rested her head on the forest floor and slept.






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