Title: Every Sperm is Great
Contact: saavaant @ yahoo . com
Codes: K/S, m/m
Summary: K/S from the viewpoint of one of Kirk's sperm.
Archive: Side By Side, October 2004. After that, anywhere you like.
Disclaimer: I disclaim Star Trek characters. I disclaim having invented them. I disclaim to be profiting monetarily from writing about them. I am not Roddenberry. I am not Paramount. I am Saavant. So There.
I always figured I was one lucky sperm.
From my vantage point inside Captain Kirk's private regions, I'd heard a lot of conversations that indicated that his mate Spock was a heck of a remarkable person. "Spock, you have the sexiest ears." "Spock, your mathematical abilities astound me." "Spock, I can't believe you can perform oral sex on yourself!" "Spock, no one on the whole ship is as loyal as you." "Spock, your mouth is so hot... yesssss!" You get the picture.
Anyway, I figured that when it was my turn to leave home and wind up inside this incredible individual's body, I'd get a chance to meet and team up with a real top-of-the-line egg. I mean, if you're a superstar like Spock, you've got to have genetically perfect gametes, right? So I was looking forward to this with all my chromosomes.
And when it finally got to my place in line, and the pressure built up and shot us loose along with Kirk's usual litany of incomprehensible groaning noises, I was as ready as all the others.
The explosion rocketed a few million of us in there like astronauts into space. We zoomed along the dark passageway, on and on and on, all sensors activated and looking for eggs.
Only we didn't find any.
It wasn't long before I could tell there was some mistake. Not only was there no sign of an egg, but the passage itself was all wrong. The wrong size, the wrong shape, the wrong chemicals everywhere.
"What's going on?" I yelled. "Where are we?"
And I yelled over and over again, and was just about to give up and just plain start panicking, when I got an answer.
"You are in Spock's esophagus," said a calm, logical voice. "And it would be prudent to stay here. If you go back that way, you will be out in the open and dry up in no time. If you go ahead, you will be incinerated in stomach acid. I have stayed here a while, and it is not my ideal home, but it is the best we are likely to get, so you would be better off staying with me."
And when I turned around and checked out who was saying that-- what do you know. It was one of Spock's sperm.
So it turns out this Spock has got sperm, not eggs. And he not only performs oral sex on himself (and, apparently, Kirk), he swallows the results. And maybe I was just desperate, but this seemed like one damn attractive sperm.
So we set up a little home in Spock's esophageal lining, and we've been living together happily ever since. I guess I was failing to think outside the box, all those times I pictured myself with some egg.
Because really, I can swing both ways, and I know this sounds mushy, but I think I've found someone I want to be with for the rest of my life. I know sperm don't live too long by human standards, but it's long enough for us, and I can't think of anyone better to spend it with.
I guess I really am one lucky sperm.
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