Title: How Many
Contact: saavaant @ yahoo . com
Summary: Just a silly vignette. A very weird light bulb goes on over some Starfleet officers' heads.
Archive: Yes please.
Disclaimer: I disclaim Star Trek characters. I disclaim having invented them. I disclaim to be profiting monetarily from writing about them. I am not Roddenberry. I am not Paramount. I am Saavant. So There.
Note: A bit of side inspiration from Farfalla's story "Fusion."
"Mmm," said Christine, snuggling up in bed between the naked bodies of Jim and Spock. "A week's leave. How do you suppose we should spend it?"
"I certainly know how I want to spend it," said the captain, one hand meandering toward her breasts while the other crept across her to touch his first officer.
"Jim," Spock admonished, "I believe our mate is attempting to initiate more specific planning; i.e., the exact nature, and perhaps even location, of our sexual contact--" but if there was any more to his sentence, it disappeared in an unintelligible sound as Kirk's hand found a location and exact nature of sexual contact that dissolved all possibility of rational thought. Similar discoveries were apparently being made on the terrain of Chapel's body, if her moan of delight were any indicator.
After a few exhilarating moments, all three lay catching their breath and exchanging lazy caresses.
"A valid point, though," murmured Spock.
"Hmm?" said Christine, already dozing off.
"Exact locations. Exact nature."
"Well," said Kirk, "I've always wanted to have sex inside a star."
That woke Christine, partially. "Movie star? Sports star?"
Kirk burst out laughing. "No, actually. I was just thinking aloud. A weird fantasy, probably comes from being a starship captain. A real star-- a sun. Sometimes I feel that it would be, I don't know, the ultimate way of expressing how I feel for the stars. Something like that."
Christine giggled, eyes half closed. "Well, you can do that when you die and turn into an angel, or something. Until then, the closest thing you're probably going to manage is the headlight."
"Never mind. I was just kidding. The headlight on the Enterprise. The big light at the front of the... the body between the saucer section and the nacelles. Never mind, it was a stupid joke." She yawned and laughed sleepily. "We can't go inside a giant light bulb anyway."
"It is not a light bulb," Spock corrected automatically, "it is simply an area illuminated by a light source similar to the warp glow."
"I *know* that," Christine sighed. "I just meant, we can't do it there."
"Hmm." Kirk leaned back, smiling. "There'd be too much radiation there, anyway."
Spock turned over on his side. "Since the light is radioactive in origin, I would expect there are few places in that general area where we could safely spend any large amount of time, and even in those locations we would be completely safe only in radiation suits."
"I always wanted to have sex in a radiation suit," said Kirk thoughtfully.
"Sex in a radiation suit?"
"Yeah. You know, frottage. I always thought it would be really exciting in a radiation suit."
"How many weird sexual fantasies do you have, anyway?" laughed Christine.
"Don't ask, if you don't want to spend the whole week's leave listening to me tell you them."
"No, I definitely want to do other things this week." Christine leaned over and kissed Spock on the shoulder, then ran a hand through Kirk's hair. "Do you suppose we *can* get some radiation suits?"
"Only one more day of leave," said McCoy over dinner. "And I don't suppose you've been enjoying it at all, you green-blooded computer."
"What makes you say that, doctor?" Spock raised an eyebrow, and made the briefest eye contact with Jim and Christine across the table. Both stifled smiles, but McCoy didn't seem to notice.
"Oh, you're just too obsessed with being the science officer to enjoy anything," the doctor said through a mouthful of salad. "There are way too many scientists who have no sense of fun." He chuckled. "You know, it would be kind of fun to see how you'd respond if I asked you how many scientists it takes to screw in a light bulb."
"One," Spock replied, without missing a beat. "If he has the help of a captain and head nurse."
Jim and Christine couldn't contain their laughter any more, and McCoy never found out what was so funny.
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